My mother used to say to me “Mandy, if you can’t say anything nice about someone, then don’t say anything at all”
You know, it’s a great mantra.
Even if others say hurtful things to us, or about us, or about the people we love, we don’t need to say hurtful things back. That makes us just like them doesn’t it? At these times we need to draw on our strength and wisdom and put our brain into gear before we open our mouth to respond!
My mother would say, “Turn the other cheek. Move on and forgive.”
I would call myself a forgiver. I like to think that I see the best in people, and most of the time I can ‘find the good’. Works for me. This is the ‘happy’ option!
Or maybe I have just got a very poor memory!
Now I appreciate that sometimes it’s not easy, and hey, when these conflicts happen I know how stressful and hurtful this can be. And sometimes it can take a long time to move on.
You see, I have this need for everyone to like me. I think I’m a pretty nice person! Truth is, maybe everyone may not. Ouch!
I can recall an occasion when I was talking to friend after a particularly hurtful and difficult conflict and I was asked – “Why do you need this person to like you Mandy?”
It was like an awakening. Why did I?
Once I could accept that it was OK not to be liked by every single person on this earth, my whole outlook changed and I was able to start letting go and start moving forward. It took a little longer, but I was able to understand other perspectives. Important in the forgiveness business. So long as I love myself and am happy with the decisions I make. After all, my happiness should not be pivotal on another person. It’s up to me.
It’s hard isn’t it?
Sometimes reaching out to trusted friends, or even seeking some kind of professional support may be the only way to help you heal and move forward. Finding the courage to ask for the help you need is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength. (Double thumbs up)
So, how many times do we need to ‘turn the other cheek and forgive?’
Well I think it depends. If it’s family, then I would say the answer is …every time. Every single time. Forever.
If it’s some random person then I think the answer is the same. Every single time.
Then I think forgiveness looks different in different situations.
Oh goodness gracious me, how exhausting would it be to be remembering who we are speaking kind to and who we are not!
Life’s too short!
Let’s all spread some kindness. Learn to turn the other cheek. Learn to be silent. Learn to use our wisdom instead of hurtful replies. Learn to always look for the good in others. Learn to be understanding and forgive. It’s there, I promise.
What was Buddha’s mantra?
The five marks of wise speech are… speech that is timely, true, gentle, purposeful, and spoken with a mind of lovingkindness.
—the Buddha (Anguttara Nikaya)
Goodness Gracious Me 